UXORIOUS

Perusing the lexicon I came across a very interesting word ‘Uxorious’, which literally means ‘one who is excessively fond of one’s wife or submissive to his wife’. Although not a very frequently used word, I presumed there has to be similar word which would describe a wife who is similarly excessively fond of her husband. To my surprise there was no such word in any language leave alone English. The conclusion you would naturally arrive at is since such a species doesn’t exist there is no such word either. The uxoroius variety of course find myriad ways of expressing their love to their objects of affection, but the age old method of the written word had its own charm. A letter from the beloved would set may a hearts aflutter. Today’s generation would find the whole idea quite bewildering….in the world of instant gratification the snail mail is obviously a relic of the past…..an anathema.

It wasn’t always so, we in the armed forces or old fogies know their true worth, more so hostellers like us Rimcollians and our country cousins from other lesser privileged public schools as in all other things about “catching us young”, even here we were literally caught young. The battle of letter writing was learnt in the dormitories and classes of RIMC ( with due apologies to the Duke of Wellington, “Battle of Waterloo was won on the playgrounds of Eton”) and subsequently honed over the years, when we stayed away from our loved ones. Writing of letters was almost a ritual for us, every Sunday dutifully all of us wrote home, the letters were collected section wise with one of the dormitory commanders designated to check which he promptly delegated to one of the junior cadets for counting and subsequently posting it in the letter box behind the Cadets Mess near Pratap Section dormitories. In junior terms invariably we would be writing more than our quota and hence would be in demand to hand over the surplus letters to seniors who had been too busy in other pressing activities…..leave out, movies and girl friends (at least they claimed so) etc. These borrowed letters were prized commodities as they saved the skins of many a bullies, in return we benefitted from their largesse on some other occasions or just a swap of the dessert on the same evening. In senior terms one learned some more techniques of avoiding getting caught on the wrong foot, one such was the blank inland letter with just the address which met the requirement of the Section commanders, which was smartly recovered in an ambush of the cadet posting the letters, before he could reach the letter box itself.

The contents of the letter initially ranged from home sickness to later days description of various activities in the college. Since ours is a quasi joint family with the uncles and aunts being close knit though not living under the same roof, every one expected a personal letter. When I was being bid farewell at Indore Railway station for joining RIMC, there were almost a hundred people on the platform to see me off … The onlookers were perplexed at seeing a young lad in knickers being garlanded by so many and many ladies teary eyed. One of them even asked me if I was going on to be a monk or something, which was quite a common phenomenon or may be I was headed abroad. I was oblivious to all the emotions and sentiments… Just overjoyed at the prospect of going to Dehradun to study in a school where the princes were supposed to be studying before independence. So all these uncles and aunts ensured that I was receiving maximum number of letters and in reciprocatiion received as many letters as well. I probably would have been the most prolific letter writer of my class with at times upto seven to eight letters on a single Sunday or a holiday being despatched. These letters contained vivid details of the college routine, an account of my studies, the friends I had made, the desserts that we ate, the games we played and the movies we watched apart from the weather and of course the beautiful Mussoorie lights which were visible each evening and so on. I tried to include a few of these things in each so that when they met each other they too had something to share.

Letters as the vital means of communication have historically played a major role. If it was Kalidas and his “Meghdootam” where the Yaksh had utilised the services of clouds to convey his love lorn state to his beloved, it was Pandit Nehru while exchanging letters with his darling daughter Indira, used these to impart lessons in history and culture of India, fulfilling his duty as a doting father even though he was incarcerated. There have been many great men whose letters have assumed epic proportions…have gone on to become collector’s items, Gandhiji being the most prominent among them. My father also made it a point to educate me on all kinds of issues, sometimes spiritual, on other occasions, it was life lessons, at times we would even exchange thoughts on current events. There were no telephones those days, forget about mobiles, so this mode of communication was the only one and we made the most of it. There were times when my father would leave hardly any space in the inland letter and my mother would use the sides of the inland to just convey her blessings. I dare say these letters were extremely valuable, actually priceless in shaping my personality in these impressionable years. My vivid descriptions of the events, sports , cultural, adventure, hikes and the Rimcollians reunions over the years helped my parents and siblings live these events through me and my letters. After all, those days my father was posted at Dhar in MP with no TV or even English newspapers, the place was sort of back of the beyond. My letters contained a brief on my academic achievements also which my father very proudly shared with his friends and colleagues. All in all this system worked and worked quite adequately provided both the sides were active. Although more often than not the cadets as they came into senior terms avoided letter writing as far as possible and that resulted in confusion and misunderstanding at times leading to further grave consequences. The hierarchy was conscious of this fact and thus tried to ensure no lapses on this account. After all they were responsible for the well being of the cadets. All this letter writing was very stressful for my younger brother Sujay, an outdoor person who did not believe in this elaborate exercise, the parents would invariably coax him to pen down , which he dutifully did, filling up the page in just two or three sentences conveying his well being and wishing me good health and cheer. On the odd occasion when he did try to go about describing his adventures, it was so laboured that he simply gave up, relying on his old format instead.

Oh for the sheer beauty of the calligraphic handwritngs that were inscribed in the letters as also the covers. In fact handwriting provided a very important psychological clue about the personality of the writer. A neat beautiful hand depicted a systematic methodical dependable person, where as the barely legible variety were supposed to be confused and unreliable. Those of us blessed with a decent hand would naturally show off and try and impress the reader with the artistic touch this trait provided us. The graffiti on the envelopes and inland letters was interesting too, “fly letter fly bring a quick/ sweet reply” depending on who the letter was addressed to. Stickers would be affixed on the covers to make them more colourful, and yes postcards were a strict no-no, firstly it was considered un-officerlike and yes the contents were all too visible. Occasionally there would be telegrams enquiring about the welfare of the ward addressed to the Commandant himself, God save the cadet when such a telegram arrived apart from immediate response in the form of a letter, it sometimes led to impositions of writing 10 or 15 letters just to discipline the cadet. It sure acted as a deterrent.Obviously the postman was eagerly awaited as he was the harbinger of news from home and relatives and sometimes even goodies in the parcels which too were quite a regular feature for may of us. Apart from the usual letters, greeting cards and Rakhis were the other articles which were received by the cadets. Birthday, Diwali and Holi greeting cards were exchanged regularly. Rakhi time was also another occasion when the sisters’ love and affection overflowed with envelopes bulging with beautiful exquisite Rakhis. Some of us had our forearms gleaming with Rakhis of all hues and colours, naturally envy of those not so lucky ones.

Letter writing continued in NDA,IMA and later on in service as even then telephones were a luxury, so one had to rely on good old field area inland letters which were provided free and had to be censored by the unit Adjutant. NDA and IMA did not lay down any strictures in terms of weekly letter writing as they presumed you were a grown up man. Of course that was an exception else every other place we were literally spoon fed. The highlights in NDA letters were the Queen’s parade when Queen of England Her Highness Elizabeth ll visited NDA, or when India’s first cosmonaut Wg Cdr Rakesh Sharma came calling on the Alma mater, these events were described in great detail for the folks back at home till we could go home and wax eloquent on these grand events. Our camps Greenhorn, Rovers and Trishul, inaugural Pune marathon where I participated, junior National Squash championship held at NDA, our riding escapades, my breaking my wrist and subsequent hospitalisation….all found a mention in the correspondence. All this while my younger siblings were growing up and also joined the bandwagon, expecting individual responses to their letters, so the number of letters also multiplied. One event in IMA, where in the third term final camp, I had got caught up in an incident of loss of fired cases leading to a court of inquiry’s, tested my letter writing skills, as I had to convey this issue to my parents without sounding very alarming, though the outcome of the court of inquiry could have been disastrous. I must grant it to my parents and our connect and mutual understanding that despite such a grave incident the letters we exchanged together helped us overcome this crisis.In fact my father himself was a prolific letter writer, his letters were so motivating that in the most ardous times in life one just needed his letters and I would be ready to take on the world again.

The next round of letter writing commenced during the period of courtship, as is typical in all such cases, this period brings out the poet in most of us and the verses flow in letter after letter, the responses were stamped with different fragrances and sealed with kisses. On one such occasion l even compared the ordeal of that of Yaksha of Meghdootam with mine and claiming that the poor Megh (Mr cloud) would not have been able to bear my plight and would have ended up as a torrential rain instead being the messanger.

Fd Marshall Erwin Rommel was reported to be a very prolific letter writer himself, he apparently wrote letters to his wife almost daily from the battle zone. Trying to emulate him even l promised my better half while I was in Kashmir that I would do the same. The valley did provide me with enough material to keep her engaged for a couple of weeks, the pristine beauty of the place, the enchanting hills and forests and the swirling and swooning Jhelum did help me in keeping up with the Rommels , obviously I couldn’t have matched up to the blitzkrieg….so soon fizzled out. Then it became the mundane and soon even the weekly dates were missed out on some excuse or the other. Once I found some birch trees in the Kashmir valley, I promptly peeled out the bark and set about writing letters on these to provide some novelty, after all that bark of the birch tree precisely was used for all kinds of writings in the days gone by, many a manuscript would still probably on these barks of birch trees themselves. All this while she responded in her own way keeping me motivated letting me focus on the task at hand never ever mentioning anything negative, always cheering me up with the progress of my son and his antics. It was through her letters that I saw him growing up. This of course is the story of all men in uniform, of losing out on seeing their their kids growing up.

I am reminded of an interesting anecdote, I became a father at a rather young age, one month short of 25. My wife, Preeti was at her parents place as is the custom for better care at home under the love and care of her mother. On 28 Feb 92, a week prior to the delivery date, my son Abhijat entered our world, with both sets of grandparents and the complete extended family to cheer them up and celebrate the grand occasion except the proud father and his younger brother. Both me and my younger sibling were in Pune waiting for the D day to arrive. My father in law dutifully called up the duty officer at College of Military Engineering Pune, whose number I had shared with them for precisely such an event. My course mate, a brother Rimcollian was the duty officer who was probably too sozzled to have registered received the call and slept off. Two days later on the next Sunday morning, I called up from the STD booth (an era when there were no mobile phones) and got to know of the birth on the 28th itself. My immediate reaction was to enquire as to why was I not informed about it, to my utter surprise the accused was my own Coursemate, who mumbled something incomprehensible when confronted. How I wish my father in law had replied on the post and telegraph department and sent me a telegram instead, I would have not been at the mercy of a drunk forgetful coursemate.

Soon it was the turn of our kids to start emulating us, in their unique inimitable style they scribbled, drew pictures and posted them along with Preeti’s letters. I would wait for those priceless pieces of art, some of them are still treasured by me. When I went to the UN as part of the Peace keeping force, the snail mail have way to e mail. I would send these mails, which would be opened in the cyber cafe and print outs taken these would be carried home to read at leisure. Once again my letters were full of description of the place, the people, the culture, peace keeping and so on, in response I would be rewarded by the activities of both the kids, Ananya too had joined the family a couple of years ago and the gala time they were having being spoilt by the grandparents. Alas Skype was launched too late, so we missed out on video chats which became the norm soon.

The memory of those letters is still alive , quite of a few are still being preserved, for sentimental reasons, like looking at old photographs bringing back the memories of days gone by……don’t have the heart to destroy these….after all those were labours of our love. May be some day, someone may find something interesting in them, apart from our own reminiscences and ‘chewing the honeyed cud’ in old age, as John Keats had described in ‘The Human Seasons’.

Original Comments:

Sujay (2018-09-01):
🙂

Ohri (2018-09-01):
Nice one sir

Amit Tripathi (2018-09-01):
Nice 2500 words Suyash. Letter writing has made you a good man. Keep writing. We enjoy your musings.

Amrit (2018-09-01):
One must have been very lucky on the recieving end of these letters,
As this small beautiful description of yours took me back ages.

nononsense (2018-09-01):
Yes Amit no doubt letters have played a major role in shaping us up over these years. Since we don't write letters any more so compulsive letter writers like me resort to blogging;)

KPM Das (2018-09-01):
Super narrative. A million similar memories come rushing by ….Of course nothing romantic as writing on a bark of any tree

Sunil Misra (2018-09-01):
Excellent buddy!! Each of us in our generation perhaps jas a similar story to tell. But you have penned it down beautifully

Unknown (2018-09-01):
Extremely well articulated. Nothing compares with the snail mail- the wait for the duty student putting mail in the pegion holes and reading and re-reading the same.

Unknown (2018-09-01):
Thank you for a good read which really took me down the memory lane! In fact, I remember that you and Arun used to exchange letters even during the school vacations. Of course, later, apart from parents, relatives, and girl friends/ wives, I am sure a lot of us also kept in touch with our friends posted across the country through this medium.

Unknown (2018-09-01):
Wonderfully written
Most of us have been through this and hence the connect is perfect

Col Tyagvir Raghava (2018-09-01):
Suyash it reminds all of us legacy of letter writing in yesteryears. I am sure we all cherish those memories. You have put across the feelings of olden times very vividly. Good job done

Jatinder Singh Dhillon (2018-09-01):
Very aptly brought out. The letter writing variety is a rarity now. Those who have indulged in the same like Col Suyash possess great writing skills. My best wishes for more such blogs….

Suresh Yadav (2018-09-01):
So true. Letter writing as a ritual has been relegated to the era of oldies and baldies by the instant technological driven messaging . Suyash each Wedw of your writings has brought back fond memories of the beautiful days . Well said Sir

V Pramod Kumar (2018-09-01):
Excellent Suyash. You have beautifully penned down those moments. Very interesting. Keep writing, you really have a flair for it.

Unknown (2018-09-01):
Nice one Suyash, the younger generation will surely miss out the joys we experienced on receiving more than the expected number of letters, and the jealous feeling one got on someone else receiving a number of letters, while not having received any!

Anonymous (2018-09-01):
Loved the reading.

Sachu (2018-09-01):
Suyash very well written. Your flair for writing guess originates from such letters. The way you have woven kids..preeti.. friends…parents..seniors and our great culture and history is commendable. I was really wondering one needs a rioe thinking and prolific writing skills to do that. Keep penning it's awesome
God bless.
By the way our convent Saikap too had this culture of letter writing parades plus large number of pen pals..they are sweet memories

Bisht (2018-09-01):
Hi Suyash,thanx for taking me down the memory lane.You revived the nostalgia of letter writing which was the only means of sharing our feelings and that includes FORCES REQUEST too.Keep it up buddy.I always look forward for your next edition of musing..

SG (2018-09-01):
Your writing always makes excellent read. Brings back memories of old times when I wrote numerous letters from IMA, my field postings and later to my fiance/ wife.Do send it to the Signalman/ ToI. Regards

Dr Rashmeet (2018-09-01):
Good one Sir..

Satish Mallik (2018-09-01):
Suyash, undoubtedly a wonderful narrative. What left me in splits was your description of Sujay’s struggle with letter writing and the first comment I saw was from him – a smily. Sujay, love you for your consistency!

Some of us who took pride in reading and writing good Hindi, though a rarity in NDA and IMA, never missed a chance to show off our literary skills to folks back home. My mother took great pride in the fact that in spite of having migrated to a westernized environment in NDA, my love for Hindi language had remained unsullied. I remember exchanging a few interesting notes with you as well in Hindi.

Your musings are always eagerly awaited.

Satish Mallik (2018-09-01):
Sorry, the first para got deleted somehow.

Suyash, I read the heading and was wondering what’s gone wrong with you. Typo in a blog! I thought you meant Luxurious. Only after I read the first para did I realize that you’re taking me on yet another literary journey.

Vijay (2018-09-01):
Nice Suyash, all of us who have studied in boarding schools have been memories of letter writing Enjoyed re living those memories Thank you

Unknown (2018-09-02):
Suyash …yet another journey to literary treat ….you have taken us to good old days whem we wrote letters and recieved letters rather longed to recieve letters … I vividly remember my good old days in hostel when in 4th class or só i uses to write Letters ..it was great fun to recieve letter… writing letters is history now ….Thanx for taking us to gud old days …..Happy blogging

Yo (2018-09-02):
Wow, brought back a flood of memories
Beautifully written Suyash, a prolific writer

Sunil V Damle (2018-09-02):
Good work, Suyash. Brought out the emotions behind written letters in various stages of life so well that I was saying "ditto" right through the article. Unfortunately, the internet generation will not have this pleasure. Thanks for sharing.

Unknown (2018-09-02):
Excellent write up hope it will give message to new generation and remind us our golden days
I hope internet generation will come out of social media and read this

Abhijat (2018-09-02):
wonderful recollection!! no wonder all your letters have been preserved as peize possessions whoever be the recipients.

Unknown (2018-09-02):
No words to describe what I have just read.Too good.Not only the words but the memories attached with each and every incident.I find myself very lucky to have a brother like you who can create magic with words.A literary treat indeed.And you are right you have inherited this skill from Papa.He is such a prolific writter himself and true his letters were very motivating.which helped in carving our personalities. I think that this is also because of the introduction of beutiful world of books very early in our lives by our parents. As both of them are still the voracious readers as they used to be….I still have the vivid memories of frequent visit to the Dhar college library and the ghoda chowpaty library what was its name..? Apart from lots of monthly subscribedo books.The list is very long Readers digest,Dharmyug,Navneet,Kadambini and sooo many children's magazines…

Unknown (2018-09-03):
Beautifully written Jijaji.

Anonymous (2018-09-03):
Very well written jijaji. Black and white pictures on film are the new haute couture, vinyl is making a comeback…. maybe letter writing using snail mail will pickup again. P

Unknown (2018-09-03):
In a run up of present day life having multitude of social media where but one fleets through contents without registering and retaining much I did the injustice of skimming through your blog earlier.
Today however I read through evoking many similar sentiments which only people like us in uniform can share.
The article about penning is now stratosphere art and thinning out ever more .
This oweing to the new ways of young ones where emotion is conveyed by emoji and abbreviations are used which can put any soldier to shame about his deciphering intellectual prowesses.
So being from old school where we relish these memories actually in today's scenario Meghdootam looses its deluge .
Apparently universal affects of global cooling in this case ….!
Very well penned indeed !

A K VASUDEVAN (2018-09-06):
Hi SUYASH
Nice read . Could connect with either end of these letters being a fellow Malwian/Mhowwala . These letters were persons not mere paper
Keep jotting

Sanjay (2018-09-10):
Nice writeup .Like sharing common pages of life ,cajoling similar and beautiful reminese……Keep it up. Regards Sanjay

Col Pankaj Fotedar, VSM (Retd) (2018-09-23):
Sir, what pleasure to read through your blog .. every word brought back a truckload of sweet memories … I too was brought up in a large household… my dad, his siblings and cousins … so many of their children … similar scenes at Srinagar bus stand when any one of us left home … letters from all of them .., special ones from my tai ji … in Hindi … no corner left and arrows/legend to connect sentences written at all possible angles … giving vivid details of happenings at home … will continue to follow you … God Bless your pen ..You are not at all a Confused Confucious ..

UXORIOUS

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