“Hair today, gone tomorrow”, that is exactly how life is. It is our hair who impart this wisdom to the human kind, unfortunately most of us ignore this and carry on oblivious to the momentary nature of everything in life. Some of us get lucky and start this hair loss rather early in life and come face to face with our balding pates in the mirrors, reminding us of the fickle nature of these follicles on our heads. Of course, it is in the genes, as they claim, but like all genetic stuff handed down, this too is not upto us to choose. The gene has already made up his mind to bless only some of us even when they are from the same set of parents. Some hair on the body appear with the onset of puberty, I often wonder, why didn’t the Almighty just send us with no hair of any kind at birth and all the hair could have appeared head, facial and everywhere else at the same time. I think He also needs some consultancy!
By now, you must be wondering why this hair raising tale today, well there is an editorial in today’s Times of India on hair regrowth as a major industry opportunity. That again is not something of a novelty, as since times immemorial, mankind has been known to find a solution to this vexing issue. Ayurveda too has not been able to find a surefire cure, only hair transplant undertaken as a surgical procedure in allopathy has provided some succour to the baldies of the world. There are other ‘patchwork’ solutions too (pun intended), the wigs do make a desperate attempt to provide camouflage and cover, but alas that too is just a facade.
Be that as it may, I think it is high time, we baldies need to unite and demand a special status, you know, premature loss of hair should be designated as a disability. Then we can reap the benefits of reservations as also some disability pension to go with it. Some of you may enquire, what kind of disability is this, well, firstly, your facial appearance itself undergoes a change, thus making it more difficult for people to recognise you. Secondly, even during interviews the HR guys, simply start with the premise that the candidate is an old gent past his prime, thus putting us at a great disadvantage vis a vis a colleague who is blessed with full flock of hair right there. Then, even while assigning tasks, you are given the kind of tasks which are boring and mundane rather than any glamorous ones where you may face the camera for obvious reasons. The other major issue arises in winters, when the haired heads are naturally protected, we have to seek solace in the caps, woollen or otherwise, we can’t move around without a headgear. Won’t this fact itself lend some weight to our claim for disability?
In the Army, hair loss comes as part of the package. So when you return from the high of a high altitude posting somewhere in Ladakh or Arunachal, serving the motherland at altitudes well above 10-12000 feet above the mean sea level, you end up donating your hair there too. Reasons are many, hard water being one, but the most important cause is the ‘balaclava’ (monkey cap for the common folk). The balaclava is actually ‘bal-niklava’ (hair remover), as each time it comes off it takes a bunch of your pride in the form of a lock or two of hair. By the time, you have finished a two year stint at those punishing heights, the head is shorn of almost a third of the mane (why mane, well we consider ourselves as lions and tigers and are even addressed as such in some of the appointments). Some lucky ones get to do this tour of duty more than once, so the next time you see a fauji who appears challenged on the hair front, you can assume the worst.
Hair loss is typically associated with men, no wonder, we are more evolved spiritually too, the wisdom that I was referring to earlier in the passage is responsible for it. The fairer sex can have all the hair, but when comes to spiritual awakening we definitely have an edge. Since there are hardly any hair left, I can afford to take my chances, else ladies would be gunning for me, with all their scissors. With apologies to the damsels, this one is dedicated to all the baldies of the world……!