Nobel Piece Prize

“Friends, Nobel committee members and my subjects, lend me your ears, I come to claim Nobel, not to seek it…..I am an honour ”Nobel’ man and I have always said it”

You can’t blame Trump for aspiring for the Nobel, he did aspire to be the POTUS and he actually did become one, not once but mind you twice over. Guys guess what, highly inspired by Mr Donald Trump and to emulate him I am nominating myself for the Nobel Prize for Peace. My claim to fame is that I too am an honest peace broker at home, I declare a ceasefire even before the first salvo is fired at home, simply by surrendering to the mistress of the house. Even when it comes to strife within the family or on the streets, whether people turn to me or not,  I too go ahead and announce to all and sundry that I was behind the truce even if no one else is prepared to give me any credit for the efforts undertaken.

Well to be honest, Alfred Nobel himself was the paragon of peace, after all he was the man who literally dynamited the world and brought peace upon many who laid down their lives due to the untiring efforts  of their friends who put it to good use over the last century. While Trump is definitely in the fray but there are many more equally qualified contenders for this coveted prize, for starters, the various Terror groups like the Hamas, Lashkars and Talibans of the world, who with their acts have been delivering the gospels of peace in their own style by putting people to sleep forever. A dead man is the most peaceful man, as the violence buried deep within him has also finally called it a day with his last breath. Then there are the Putins, Zelenskys, Bibis, Munirs of the world who have not been sitting idle themselves but have a been treading this inglorious path for a little longer.

No prizes for guessing who Trump’s sponsors are Bibi and Munir, birds of a feather flock together. Today it is Trump’s turn tomorrow it will be Bibi’s and Munir’s. I just heard that venerable Arvind Kejriwal too has thrown his hat in the ring, having successfully fooled the Magsaysay guys obviously he thinks Nobel committee would be equally gullible. May be these awards are also somewhat in a similar league as Bollywood awards, which are known to be manipulated. American Presidents, quite a few of them have been recipients starting from Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, Jimmy Carter and the last one was Barrack Obama. Wilson was awarded for brokering the flawed treaty of Versailles and spectacular failure of League of Nations, resulting in the Second World War in just two  decades. Obama for may be indulging in multiple conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Syria. So obviously befitting the legacy of Alfred Nobel himself, if the military industrial complex is kept busy with orders pouring in, then Peace award is yours for picking.

‘Peace is an illusion’ isn’t that a well known fact, so anything which is more in the minds than on the ground is subject to interpretations. My perception of peace is not the same as yours and who knows it better than Trump himself, reminding us of the last lines of Kenny Rogers’ classic country song, ‘Coward of the County’ “sometimes you gotta fight when you are a man”.

We all know that great leaders inspire confidence and motivate others by setting a personal example, so here he is! His citation would probably go something like this, “Donald Trump showing clear disdain for rules and orders,  with utter disregard for the safety and sanity of the rest of the world, he single handedly has plunged the world into a turmoil by ensuring that the world peace is now actually in “pieces”.” Don doesn’t appreciate anything in the singular, his principle is obviously, ‘more the merrier’, in his perception probably ‘pieces’ is the plural of ‘peace’ itself, so there you have it, Nobel Prize for Pieces and he is the deserving winner.